Pauls Valley —
Somewhere in between birth and my childhood I missed being initiated into the accomplish-little section of society. Perhaps it is my parents or a government implanted chip to blame, but I can’t quite grasp how to become a pro at wasting my time.
I could sell self help books on procrastination and even give rousing lectures on getting distracted…ooo birdie, though no dice on the problem area. It does not make any sense that I can’t catch on in a nation that excels so well at being lazy. Can one try too hard?
I suppose I totally miss the mark when I tend to find a useful activity even when I am supposed to relaxing after a tough day. Free time for me means “crap, I forgot to take care of that list of 50 things to do around the house.”
Heck, I could even take a look at some of the people connected to either my wife or my own blood that could offer their fair share of pointers for how to barely squeak by. You know the ones, most of the time they let someone else pick up the slack and when they accomplish something themselves they lord it over everyone else like they’ve been slacker free all along (like let’s say people who have kids too early and then act like someone else is to blame for having to raise them before they catch up on misspent youth). Then again, I don’t have to look far for those that just don’t care if they are doing a decent job as long as they feel they can have more fun than responsibility.
I should probably write my congress persons to institute some sort of training program where I could learn the ways of no effort (then again who better to teach lazy than those serving multiple terms). I certainly didn’t learn that much even when I was last unemployed, spending too much time submitting applications and cruising the job posting locations.
The recession is giving me all the excuse I need to craftily appear downtrodden while hanging out with all the others too proud to work for every dollar. I guess I’m just too selfish to think only of my own needs while spending government assistance checks on lottery tickets. I feel so ashamed for giving up on living the get rich quick American dream.
Knowing my luck, each day this week I’ll keep up this whacky doing what I’m supposed to do ordeal with that train wreck called success waiting at the end of the track. If I’m not connected with a specialist soon I’ll also probably do more than I’m expected and not let the good people of don’t care reign me in.
I can’t be seen always setting such a good example in the community or people might be encouraged not to be leaches as well. Put me on medication; call the National Guard or even the president of every Star Trek fan club if necessary to make me less of a threat to the cause. Oh dear sweet readers, you may have yourselves been sucked in by reading my latest column and plea.