Pauls Valley, OK, Pauls Valley Democrat

Columns

April 7, 2010

Why no theologian would have survived my childhood

Confessions of a Dislocated Texan

CNHI —  

Looking back at my childhood experiences with religion it is a wonder I’m not either the founder of a super cult or a hard core atheist. Between the things that happened at home and the world around me if I hadn’t had good experiences with Christianity, I might be tucked away in a cave muttering over the psychological damage.

Sure, many faiths are perfectly harmless on their own with good core values very similar to each other. However, I must have been at the nexus of things gone horribly odd because there were times even the great prophets couldn’t have found a way to apply the lessons to daily life. The Spanish Inquisition would have not been able to find a torture to root this stuff out.

I mind as well get the inevitable angry looks and the “well I nevers” out of the way now so I’ll start with my darling mother. Every now and again you can find someone to say her efforts to keep me out of trouble weren’t in vain, but when it came to using the messiah outside of the house of the almighty, she had some particularly creative methods.

My favorite and most confusing of all of these forays into the secular world involved her yelling without volume control the phrase “Pull out and meet Jesus” each time someone cut her off in traffic. These days I realize it’s a funny expression that avoids using curse words toward road hogs, but as a child I wondered if the lord of lords really was going to start preaching right in the middle of Indiana Avenue. Then again, as often as she used that phrase he might as well have been ready to return to earth riding shotgun to the grocery store.

Text Only
Columns
  • thermostat.jpg 5 tax credits for wintertime energy efficiency

    If you're looking for ways to lower your heating bill and make your home more energy efficient this winter, now is a good time to act. Make certain home improvements before the end of 2011, and you can claim a federal tax credit when you file next year.

    December 13, 2011 1 Photo

  • DangerousToys10.jpg SLIDESHOW: 10 most dangerous toys As you shop for the kids and grandkids this holiday season, keep an eye out for potentially dangerous toys. The nonprofit consumer watchdog group World Against Toys Causing Harm, or WATCH, has released its annual list of the 10 worst toys.

    December 8, 2011

  • kindle-fire.jpg Guide to this year's hottest gift: The tablet

    Tablet computers and e-readers are extremely popular and are expected to be strong sellers this holiday season despite a weak economy.  But the array of models and brands can confound many potential gift-givers. Check out this guide to tablet-giving on any budget.

    December 8, 2011 7 Photos

  • thanksgiving.jpg So much turkey! Thanksgiving by the numbers

    This Thanksgiving, millions of Americans will gather to eat, celebrate and give thanks. The U.S. Census Bureau has put the holiday in perspective with some key facts and figures about Turkey Day and all its trimmings.

    November 23, 2011 1 Photo

  • candycorn.jpg In sugar shock? 5 things to do with leftover Halloween candy

    When Halloween is over and your kids are still candy-eating zombies, you may want to get the sugary temptations out of their sight (and yours.) So what do you do with the leftover treats? Here are some ideas.

    November 7, 2011 1 Photo

  • Texting, driving Study: Drivers think texting is dangerous, but still do it

    Almost all motorists believe texting while driving is dangerous, but more than a third of them do it anyway, according to a study released Monday.

    October 5, 2011 1 Photo 1 Link

  • 092211_banned-books.jpg Tips to help parents judge books for children

    While the book-protesting actions of motivated parents and school boards make headlines, what gets lost in the shuffle is what goes on in each of our homes. As Banned Books Week begins, one librarian offers tips for parents weighing what kind of reading material to share with their children.

    September 26, 2011 1 Photo 1 Slideshow

  • Bill-Gates.jpg List of richest people in America released

    The economy may be down, but the wealth of America’s richest is up by 12 percent, to nearly $1.53 trillion, Forbes magazine said this week in unveiling its list of the 400 wealthiest people in the country.

    September 23, 2011 3 Photos

  • Let's play ball without scandals

    The Big 12 announced a TV deal with Fox that would bring in more than $1 billion over 13 years.

    Recent scandals reveal college football is ethically challenged and inadequately regulated.

    August 29, 2011

  • Garden sprinkler How to conserve water during drought

    In a time of drought, you can do your part by following these steps to conserve water both indoors and outdoors.

    August 5, 2011 2 Photos

Business Marquee

e-Edition
  • How You Want It When You Want It Today's Pauls Valley Democrat

    Now you can view and download the Democrat right to your desktop on the day the paper is published. Click here to get more information on the Democrat's e-Edition.

     

    CLICK HERE TO ACCESS THE E-EDITION SITE

     

    ATTENTION CURRENT DEMOCRAT SUBSCRIBERS TO START an e-EDITION

    e-mail request to sjohnson@pvdemocrat.com

    April 20, 2011 1 Photo 1 Link

AP Video
Raw: Greeks Celebrate Easter With "Rocket War" Police Question Captain, Crew on Ferry Disaster Raw: Orthodox Christians Observe Easter Rite Ceremony Marks 19th Anniversary of OKC Bombing Raw: Four French Journalists Freed From Syria Raw: Massive 7.2 Earthquake Rocks Mexico Captain of Sunken SKorean Ferry Arrested Raw: Fire Destroys 3 N.J. Beachfront Homes Raw: Pope Presides Over Good Friday Mass Raw: Space X Launches to Space Station Superheroes Descend on Capitol Mall Man Charged in Kansas City Highway Shootings Obama Awards Navy Football Trophy Anti-semitic Leaflets Posted in Eastern Ukraine Raw: Magnitude-7.2 Earthquake Shakes Mexico City Ceremony at MIT Remembers One of Boston's Finest Raw: Students Hurt in Colo. School Bus Crash Raw: Church Tries for Record With Chalk Jesus Raw: Faithful Celebrate Good Friday Worldwide Deadly Avalanche Sweeps Slopes of Mount Everest
Stocks
Facebook