Pauls Valley, OK, Pauls Valley Democrat

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March 10, 2010

Apocalypse How: Can we really stand the end

Confessions of a Dislocated Texan

Pauls Valley —

Ever since man first learned to appreciate the world around him there has been someone there to try and kick dust in the eyes. For some reason, through legitimate science or just self hate, select individuals have been determined to find as many ways we could collectively shuffle off this mortal coil as possible.

The frightening possibilities include a comet, second ice age, Yellowstone park or possibly too much exposure to Wal-Mart’s labor saving products. We just don’t know and that absolutely drives end of the world theorists nuts because so far their record on picking the right day to say so long and thanks for all the fish is about as successful as OU’s men’s basketball team this year. I have to give them credit though for having the dedication to inspire so many terrible movies.

One of the most popular doomsday creations to get an awful film adaptation is the theory that the Mayans predicted that the world would suffer a fate most foul in 2012. Nevermind that the calendar that has unearthed so much paranoia wasn’t so much an end to existence, but of a cycle before a kicking party, we instead must find a depressing way to get ourselves ready for more disappointment.

The problem is that if you happen to pick the actual date of ultimate demise is that the award ceremony for being right doesn’t give you much company to celebrate the feat with. It’s not like picking a Super Bowl or World Series winner where it might matter to people if you could spend the winnings you bet. Besides, I doubt even if humanity survives such a bummer of a experience that people are going to spend every day going, wow that guy sure is a hero for having the right guess about this one.

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