Pauls Valley, OK, Pauls Valley Democrat

Columns

May 19, 2010

I prefer a woman with something to hug

Confessions of a Dislocated Texan

Pauls Valley — All too often us guys are stuck with the statement that we only ever have our mind in the gutter with no escape route. Granted I can’t argue, though I certainly must be more careful as a married man since the threat of even looking at another woman is a risk that could carry the ultimate consequence.

However ladies, don’t think us too unsophisticated for liking what you present in public, for a great many of us of the masculine persuasion consider that one of our highest compliments.

Unfortunately, some of these typical male habits can have the negative association that we are only fixated on women predestined by magazine or Hollywood. Some of those women do look mighty fine, but give some of us credit because the rest couldn’t be less pleasing to the eyes.

This brings us to one of modern society’s biggest screw-ups, establishing a one-size-fits-all standard of beauty. Because of this lie perpetuated by Miss Air-Head pageants and hardly-realty television, girls everywhere feel they must hide who they really are in a race to be as fake as the bimbo elect.

It seems like some of these women who are supposed to be a model for the rest of the gals are competing with Joan Rivers or Dolly Parton in the looking as Frankenstein as possible contest.

Now I respect these two women for their good humor and talent, but isn’t there enough horror going on in the bedroom already? Take off some of that makeup and put down that surgical knife for all of our sakes.

Also, I don’t know why some of these gals who are supposed to be so hot continue to be the talk of the town. Instead of swooning over these “babes” I want to feature them on feed the children or get scientists to prove that zombies aren’t just a Hollywood fabrication.

Historically, women with meat on their bones have been getting the most action and somewhere along the way some idiot decided the malnourished-child look was love at first sight. Remind me again why we have to deny biology and our own brains and accept this as the way things should be. Seriously, get these poor starved creatures over to a pancake breakfast, stat!

In the end, we need to ditch any sort of standard that keeps women isolated because they don’t fit someone else’s opinion. Sure, even my ideas of how much for our feminine counterparts should have to love is limited, but someone else may feel otherwise.

Despite how crazy they may get when you can’t read their mind, they deserve respect no matter what their body type. I’m not going to tell you to stop cracking jokes or share your thoughts with your pals, but show some sensitivity even if a girl is not your type.

Many a male since the days grunting in a cave has prolonged his life significantly by following this sage advice.

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