Pauls Valley, OK, Pauls Valley Democrat

Columns

May 12, 2011

And I thought marriage was easier as time wore on

(Continued)

. —

Do they argue over bills? Maybe how they spend their money instead of a lack of it? I can’t imagine money being an issue. And it’s not like they’re arguing because Maria always has to drive the kids to school in the morning even though she works, too.

The scariest part is that none of these excuses hold water. The only plausible reason is that the hardest part of marriage doesn’t have anything to do with surviving the tough times. The real test is staying in love when there is nothing left to survive.

I have never sugarcoated my marriage or shied away from its flaws. I once wrote a column about how I will one day write a memoir of my wedded bliss titled, “There’s no such thing as a good marriage, only a long one.”

I say and write these things half-in-jest and the other half in the reality of what marriage is. My marriage is built on frequent compromises between what each of us wants individually and what we know is best for our family unit. Sometimes we find common ground and other times our daughter drafts contracts for us to sign.

Nearly four years into our marriage, I thought I wanted to end it. We separated for months before we reconciled. Even all those years ago, before we had kids to stick it out for, we stuck it out for each other.

These high-profile marital dissolutions make me wonder if my husband and I will have the same endurance toward the end as we did in the beginning.

---

Amy Gesenhues is a columnist for The News and Tribune, Jeffersonville, Ind. Contact her at amy@amywroteit.com.

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